Onos teh gamer trap
So recently following my (eccentric) course choice of computing in media and communications, I posed a question to myself and the general audience inside my head: "WHICH GAME MAKER DOESN'T KNOW WHAT GAMES ARE LIKE?"
Fate promptly sent gan along my way who brought his macbook for godknowswhatreason to our dinner. We all know he planned it all along to ensnare unsuspecting girls into his gamer trap: ask someone out for a meal, and then bring his game-video-loaded laptop along to innocently show them some interesting videos. Wait, that wasn't very innocent.
And that was the story of how I got drunk on two starcraft II videos and decided I had to lay my hands on this thing called real time strategy games.
If the devil falls, he likes to drag many people along with him as well. This is how my plan worked:
1. ask pang to lan
2. pang says ask more people
3. kevy says she doesn't want to spend money for an internet connection outside
4. we decide to go my house
5. conveniently rita has this thing called a brother
6. she gets persuaded by zhixin to steal his warcraft games
7. zhihua gets invited as well
8. the three noobs (rita, zhixin and zhihua) try their hand at the frozen throne (the other two didn't have their laptops)
9. the room fills with shrieks going "DON'T ATTACK ME I'M STILL BUILDING UP MY BASE" and zhixin types "GG" and quits game
10. zhihua brings a copy of the frozen throne (and all its admirable maps including cough dota) home
And this is the story of how zhihua transmitted that infectious abominable virus over to yuling and jnanee.
And this is also the story of how four noobs came together to
get pwned by AI heroes take over the world.
This is also the story leading up to yesterday night, better known for its semi-final match between spain and germany. (Paul the octopus laughs at those disbelieving noobs with the initials hw and hq who doubt teh power of teh psychic octopus from inside his sacred tank)
While waiting for the match that would give paul his much-deserved last laugh, haoqin said "LET'S PLAY SOMETHING".
Zhi Xin, who has just played a highly stressful dota game with zhihua, 2 other AI allies, 1 disconnected jnanee and 2 AI enemies (the question you should ask now isn't "HOW IS THIS STRESSFUL?? WHEN YOU HAVE FOUR V TWO AT LEAST??" because you should have known the answer was "BLOODY HELL WHAT'S UP WITH THAT TEMPLAR DUDE I CAN'T EVEN SEE HIM AND HE POPS UP RIGHT BESIDE ME AND HE'S BLACK ZOMG HOW DO YOU SEE A BLACK HERO?" but-- uh wait there shouldn't be any questions), answered "UH NOT DOTA PLZ"
This is how zhihua, zhixin, haoqin and haiwei came together to play Uther Party Extreme.
What generally happened in the 8 mini games of uther party extreme:
- In a kill-everyone-to-win mini-game, zhixin will spend the first five seconds trying to figure out what's happening. If she hasn't died by then, she will spend the next few seconds trying to figure out how to wield her sword. While trying to figure all these out, zhixin and zhihua will be standing aside watching haiwei and haoqin try to kill each other.
And then promptly get killed by the victor.
Who, more often than not, is haiwei.
- In a try-to-stay-alive minigame, it takes zhixin the death of her hero before figuring out what certain terms like "blight", as in "stay on the blight to stay alive", means.
- zhixin can do typing games ok. Probably the only thing she knows what to do two seconds into the game. Instead of the usual five.
Which means haiwei doesn't win. Neither does zhixin. Haoqin becomes the winner by pure luck that both zhixin and haiwei screwed up a word order.
- When left with two survivors in any mini-game, cheers of "GO WHOEVER-THAT-IS-NOT-HAIWEI" will ring out.
Haiwei still wins anyway.
After that at one plus am with an hour plus to go till the match, haiwei insisted on playing his ladder, aka warcraft III.
Zhixin suggested haoqin, zhihua and zhixin ally together to whack haiwei.
While greeted with enthusiastic approval, they finally settle on a zhixin, zhihua, haoqin and haiwei ally team against four computer teams.
The game was won without much participation from zhixin, who preferred to spend her time building towers around her base. By the time she joined the rest she gaped at the level 11 heroes of hq and hw while doing a double-take at the level one status of her own hero.
Zhihua assures zhixin she was doing the same, but obviously she spent her time building nuclear weapons because she ended up with a much higher score than zhixin.
The sight of four huge armies getting in each other's way while trying to destroy the computer's base is, to put it mildly, arresting. I apparently killed hq's hero as well while joining in the fray with my hero's blizzard. It's ok he got killed later by hw's hero so I'm not the only one going around whacking ally's heroes.
And now I'm waiting for yuling zhihua and jnanee to journey over to the east for another round of lanning. All the boys would have passed this stage 5 years ago. Or not.
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far and wee
you and i together mysteriously and always floating
Thursday, July 8
1:22 PM
