The guilty body
I love the way cliches can be used to explain virtually every difficult situation.
For example, one of my favourites is "in a moment of weakness". I love how we all have moments of weakness and moments of strength and in those moments of weakness it is more acceptable to do anything wrong. Nobody ever does anything wrong "in a moment of strength". In fact nobody ever mentions moments of strength. Kind of unfair isn't it, I mean if you want to categorize your moments you should do it completely and not just label the moments of weakness. For example, if you manage to become the richest person in the world by dropping out of school, you say "that was a moment of strength". If you're just brushing your teeth maybe you should say "that was a neutral moment". If you are embezzling funds you should go "welll that needed some strength and quite some coherent thinking, but because it's something wrong, I shall just say it was a moment of weakness." Yes remember kids, we only do wrong things in moments of weakness. If you chop someone's tree you should admit it and go "IT WAS A MOMENT OF WEAKNESS. I SAW THE TREE THERE AND I COULDN'T RESIST."
Another of my favourites is "one thing led to another". This is best used with a moment of weakness, for example when you are having sex. It normally follows after touching, kissing and/or wine-drinking, and occurs so naturally that it's almost like a routine. In fact if you didn't have sex after touching, kissing and/or wine-drinking-- uh are you human? It's like D follows after C follows after B follows after A so what is A B C without D?? We are all merely following a procedure, so it's not really our fault. Blame it on whoever said D had to follow after A B C.
Which brings me to my favourite excuses to use when you're convicted in court, or accused of something. DEPRESSION. PSYCHOTIC DISORDER. SEX ADDICTION. Omg these are really my favourites out of all my favourites, how you can almost completely shrug off any responsibility because YOU ARE MENTALLY UNSTABLE. YOU CANNOT CONTROL YOUR BODY. AN ILLNESS HAS TAKEN OVER YOU, AND IT'S AS REAL AS FLU OR HEART ATTACK. YOU'RE LIKE-- LIKE-- LIKE A PRISONER WITHIN YOUR OWN BODY. Yes, wiki the above and identify each symptom that you have. I quote,
"A person suffering a major depressive episode usually exhibits a very low mood, which pervades all aspects of life, and an inability to experience pleasure in activities that formerly were enjoyed. Depressed people may be preoccupied with, or ruminate over, thoughts and feelings of worthlessness, inappropriate guilt or regret, helplessness, hopelessness, and self-hatred." Oh dear do you have those feelings too? I thought so. Let's all murder someone we hate, perhaps we can direct the self-hatred to that person. Ah shit I'm depressed. I feel like a loser. Why did I not score that distinction for H3. I feel like a failure. I can't enjoy going out to eat dinner anymore. Could it be because the night before I took a little more time than usual to brush my teeth. I should be hung for it. No someone should be hung for it. WHO. OH YEAH I REMEMBER MY FRIEND CALLED ME THAT NIGHT AND MADE ME CHAT FOR FIVE MINUTES. I WILL NEVER EVER EVER EVERRRRR FORGIVE HIM I NEED TO I NEED TO I NEED TO I NEED TO I NEED TO
Oh yeah I think about sex all the time I should go out there and hook up with a few boys. Man why can't you all sympathise it's not my fault my body is so hungry. It's like all of you people have three needs air water and food and I have four. Society is such a harsh judgmental place. I hate myself. -repeat above paragraph bottom few lines-
The thing I love the most about these cliches is how our bodies are so uncontrollable when we do wrong things but the right things are done when we're in control, in moments of strength, are not prisoners in our own bodies, do not suffer from any disorders, are not following any prescribed procedures. In any other situation, blame your body. Your mind is innocent.
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far and wee
you and i together mysteriously and always floating
Sunday, March 14
4:52 PM
