HAHA RI SEC FIVES
ZOMG. LOOKIT THIS!
RI Will Have Sec 5s Next Year
SINGAPORE — In a diabolical conspiracy, Singapore’s premier secondary school, Raffles Institution, has decided to retain the majority of this year’s Secondary 4 batch. This information has come as a shock to many parents, who protest that their sons’ education has been sacrificed in another of the school administration’s bad decisions.
The knowledge of the conspiracy trickled down to the students via careless teacher-to-teacher conversations, and also their recent Philosophy test, in which more than 70% of the cohort failed. It was noted that the people who failed usually excelled in many other things and were “valuable assets to the school”, as one authoritative source was heard saying.
Raffles Institution has decided to come clean about this conspiracy, seeing as it has already been revealed to the searching eyes of the national community. An inside source was quoted to be saying, “This is not going to be foolproof. There are people who fail tests only because they are stupid.” However, the percentage of valuable students captured by this conspiracy is expected to exceed 85%, in even the least optimistic estimates.
The Raffles Philosophy Course undertaken in the Raffles schools has a must-pass status: a student has to pass Philosophy (as well as English, Research Education, and Character & Leadership Education) to be promoted to the next higher level. Thus, with this wave of fail grades being handed out, it is highly expected that most of this year’s Secondary 4 batch will fall victim.
A high authority in the administration, who wished to be identified only as Mr Koh, has said that this ties in perfectly with the school’s ongoing upgrades. Thus it is clear what the newly-cleared Administration Blocks are for. Mr Koh says, “We have been planning this for quite a while now. It was already known to the staff that the new upgrades were to house the Secondary 5 batch of 2008, widely acknowledged among us to be the best batch since Lee Kuan Yew’s own.”
Also unprecedented is the decision to do so, given that all retainees from previous years were assimilated into the Secondary 4 class they were assigned to. This can be explained away by the large number of students expected to stay back another year, placed at around 300.
Raffles Institution is doing so to ensure it gains an advantage in academic and B-division sports competitions, in which it has not enjoyed its usual success as was expected. As to why such drastic measures were taken, none of those concerned in formulating this plan were quite clear about it. A Dr Leffrey Jee (one of the higher authorities) says, “We want to expand the knowledge base of our competing population.”
However, to appease parents, Raffles Institution will be teaching these Secondary 5s with the requisite A-level syllabi, such that they may go straight on to JC2 in 2009, having passed “the equivalent of a syllabus pitched at JC1 standard”. Students, however, are disgruntled, saying that this is cheapening their sense of progress.
The school’s official press release on allowing the students to progress straight to JC2 states: “As teachers, we understand the need for students to have social lives. Allowing them to be with their RGS counterparts at JC2 will, we hope, foster a working relationship that they will be slightly discouraged from doing so at Secondary 5, with the physical separation of classes in the Bishan campus.”
More news will be reported as information gradually becomes available.
ripped from crappitrash!---
HAHA did anyone spot this in the chinese newspaper on wednesday! page 8 of xian4 zai4. THE QUIZ THAT FAHRENHEIT DID!
(Translated all from chinese, do not blame me for incorrect translation/grammar!)
How selfish you are towards loveIf you have to choose an arts-related career, what would you choose from the below?
a) Sculptor
b) Artist
c) Film director
d) Writer
What your results mean a) Sculptor - Selfishness towards love: 60 points
When you are in a relationship, you don't like being controlled but instead prefer to be the one controlling the strings of the relationship. If your partner fulfills your expectations of him, both of you will be alright. Under such circumstances, you are a pretty good person to love. However, if both of you aren't that close, your insecurity will work up and this relationship will be very hard to maintain.
b) Artist - Selfishness towards love: 80 points
Self-absorbed would be most suitable to describe your love. You have always lived for yourself, and it is near impossible if your partner wishes to change you. Your behaviour of always doing things your own way and not caring for your partner will make loving you a very tough job. If you don't change, your love life will be rocky.
c) Film director - Selfishness towards love: 20 points
You like the feeling of caring in a relationship. As long as your partner makes you happy, you will also repay it generously. You like to silently observe your partner's needs and then using special methods to give your partner a surprise. With you as a partner, who wouldn't feel loved?
d) Writer - Selfishness towards love: 40 points
Whether you have your partner's love matters the most to you. You hate selfish people, and therefore will give your all in caring for your partner. You are actually not selfish, but because you don't want your partner to be selfish in love towards you, you are not totally selfless.
HAHA wuzun chose c while jiro chose b, look at results above to conclude! Tsk. Jiro protests about his results!
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far and wee
you and i together mysteriously and always floating
Sunday, April 22
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