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Chronicles of a goldfish (I)

...from Retarded Goldfish Society, aka R.G.S. . Now in this post, this retarded goldfish's going to tell you all about her society/school, with motto, goals, pledge and all, and hopefully you all will feel interested in enrolling in this wonderful school.

DISCLAIMER: Of course, what were you thinking? This has no association with any organisation whatsoever, no matter how similar the acronym might sound to a certain school... It's totally unintentional, I swear! (looks around with a blur look) You mean there's a school that sounds like that besides retarded goldfish society?

Our Pledge
We, the goldfishes of Retarded Goldfish Society, pledge to improve our retardness and consistently work hard to increase our RQ (Retard Quotient) regardless of colour, type or bowl, so as to achieve more ignorance and therefore happiness and bliss.

Our Mission
To produce a fine breed of increasingly spastic goldfishes, with nothing in their heads and bodies but air, committed to lifelong emptying of knowledge, living ignorant lives and thus serving our society.

Our vision
"Goldfishes of a Retarded Age"
To aspire, strive and dare to be active creators of a retarded age for all.

Our goals
- To develop an increasing RQ in our goldfishes
- To nurture the ignorance and fire the air into their heads
- To develop cross-eyed goldfishies

Our Values
- Simple-minded
We will never attempt to have complicated thoughts in our heads, and will have only one emotion all the time.
- Slow-witted
If ever we are asked a question that we have to answer, we will take about a week to figure out the simple sums, and all our lives to figure out slightly more difficult ones.
- Senseless
We will never have the sense to do what's right and what we are supposed to do. Instead, we will do whatever thought that comes to mind, thus translating thought into action.
- Slack
This is the most important value of all, for goldfishes of R.G.S. must know the value of fun, and procastinate as hard as they can for all their lives.

Our Crest

Requirements to get into R.G.S.
- You must have an RQ of at least 200. If you don't know your RQ, you can convert your IQ over. The converstion of IQ to RQ goes like this: -1000 IQ = 1 RQ
- You can get into R.G.S. through DSA. However, we only accept talents ranging from who can cross their eyes the best to who can swim still and stare with nothing in their brain the longest.
- You can, of course, get into R.G.S. through the tried and tested method of PSLE. You are required to get at most -300 marks for it, for that's normally our cut-off point.

Achievements
- Sustained Achievement Award for Retardness for the 127th year running

Our rules
1) Goldfishes should not have a single intelligent though in their heads. A booking will be given if the student manages to answer a coherent question correct. Three bookings will result in detention class, where the goldfish will be forced to stay above water for 2 and a half minutes for 5 times so as to empty all knowledge.

2) Goldfishes should stay cross-eyed all the time. Any goldfish caught not staying cross-eyed for more than 5 minutes will be given a booking.

3) Be late in attending all activities as retarded goldfishes always get lost trying to find their way. Punctual goldfishes will be given a booking while early goldfishes will be sent to detention class straight away, unless their excuse is that they forgot they had a lesson before.

4) Goldfishes will not play truant as our classes are specially designed to increase their RQ and any missing of classes might result in a decrease of RQ, which is disastrous to the school.

5) Goldfishes will hand in their blank pieces of worksheets all the time. Any goldfish with a filled in answer will be given a booking as this means that input of knowledge has occured.

Failure to comply with the rules will result in bookings and detention classes. If the goldfish has had 3 detention classes, the goldfish will be expelled immediately. Goldfishes are also subjected to being expelled any time the principle or teachers feel appropriate; however, this must gain the approval of at least 5 goldfish teachers. Goldfishes which try to input knowledge into their fellow goldfishes' heads or cause distress to their fellow goldfishes will be dealt with severely.

Expelling of goldfishes will take place in the form of throwing the goldfish out of the bowl of water, thereby ensuring a complete emptying of head.

So, what are you waiting for? COME APPLY FOR R.G.S. NOW!

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far and wee

you and i together mysteriously and always floating
Saturday, August 5 10:26 PM