Thank you.
It's been so long, or maybe I just don't remember a recent time, since I wet my paper with my tears. That shock, that shatter of illusions and hopes, that realization that I had
failed. I wasn't expecting back the social studies paper, I had cleanly forgotten about it until Mrs Ng told us she was going to give it back to us. I wasn't prepared at all for anything.
Never, ever in my history of summative assessments have I ever failed before.
I couldn't see, I couldn't feel, I couldn't think. Every thought was blinded with that glaring mark on my paper. There was this huge block in my brain, growing bigger and bigger by the second. I stared down at it, and then my vision blurred.
I was numb, really. I couldn't really feel. But then the tears started coming, one after another, and then I wiped one after another off my wet face, trying not to make a sound, trying not to let anyone notice. I turned my face away from my partners and stared resolutely ahead on the screen with the paper projected there, the paper with the things we should have written, without seeing anything at all. I tried hard to stop the tears, but they were uncontrollable, just one following another.
I failed. I wanted nothing more than to hide in a toilet cubicle and just let them all come out without embarrasing myself.
And then Kevy patted me on the back to try to comfort me not once but twice. It made the tears come even more because I was so touched -- here I was, crying silently about my grade, and then kevy had to comfort me even though she had her own problems, her own grade to worry about.
And at the end of the lesson Arias came over to give me a hug, and that hug really comforted me, besides making me cry a little more at their concern. I felt rather selfish because I was just there tearing about my grade and others who had their own problems were coming over to comfort me.
Thank you Kevy and Arias, for trying to make me feel better when I was so down, when you two had your own things to worry about without worrying about me. Mrs Ng tried to reassure us that she saw geppers with 2 marks upon 15, and that it was after all the first test of the year. She asked us to go see her to talk about it, and all I could manage was a slight nod and a failed attempt to try to smile.
Chemistry came straight after, and we had to rush to the lab, there wasn't any time to cry in a cubicle, and then we had a practical which kept me busy and cheered me up considerably. I'm glad there was chem after social studies or I wouldn't have attempted to make a conversation with anyone and I would just brood about my marks and make myself feel more depressed.
That test made me realize the value of friendship.Once again, thank you. <3
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far and wee
you and i together mysteriously and always floating
Wednesday, April 5
11:42 PM
