It hurts.
It hurts, you know, to be ignored. It hurts. Standing away from the crowds of people, hiding in the darkness, a mere shadow of existance, it hurts. When no one cares, when no one gives you the attention you desire, it hurts.
It hurts when you try your best to do something, yet fail miserably. Hanging on with only one hand, your fingers straining to keep you off the edge, your hand tiring, wishing you could just let go, it hurts. When no matter what you do, you still don't get what you want, it hurts.
It hurts to get rejected. Using all your courage to ask that someone for something, yet that someone refuses to give you the answer, it hurts. When that kind of courage doesn't come often, when you never take the initiative because you hate to, it hurts.
It hurts when everyone's chatting among themselves and leaving you out of their circle. A circle on a piece of paper, with a dot that symbolises you at the opposite end of the paper. Wanting to be part of the circle, yet the circle refuses to let you in, it hurts. When you try and try time and time again to become part of them yet cannot, it hurts.
I give up. I give up hoping. Hoping is just a mere illusion, something you can never achieve. I give up trying. I shall just bury myself in studies and maplestory. I don't think anyone will notice my absence. They'll just go on with their lives normally, chatting away, tagging away, blogging away, writing away, eating away, sleeping away. I was never anyone significant anyway.
Attention. Though I may need it, though I may want it, I will never go around spamming others' blog under a fake name. That is beneath integrity, pride, courage.
Though I may need it, though I may want it, I can never get it with myself. Is it really true then, that we have to put on a mask before we get it? Perhaps it really is. Perhaps that is why I never get it.
Whoever says that we can reach stars is deluding himself. Stars can never be reached. They are just out there in the galaxy, twinkling away, tempting you, yet they never can be reached.
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far and wee
you and i together mysteriously and always floating
Tuesday, July 26
9:26 PM
